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Tag: mood swings

On Reading Bipolar Memoirs

Posted on July 21, 2015 in Mania Stigma

I read because I want to understand this strange state of mind that seizes me at unlikely times.

Romanticizing Mental Illness: The Good and the Bad

Posted on July 19, 2015 in Bipolar Disorder Hope and Joy Psycho-bunk Stigma

Let us realize that for every poem, there are many long dark nights of the soul that the sufferer would prefer to be without.

Why I Still Fear My Illness

Posted on June 30, 2015 in Depression Mania

The future remains an unprinted page whereupon there are no answers.

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Breakthrough Episode

Posted on June 28, 2015 in Exuberance Mania Psychotropics Rage & Annoyance

You think you have The Beast sealed under a layer of concrete, but the covering proves to be no stronger than a sheet.

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Video: My Life with Bipolar Disorder: Part 1, Diagnosis

Posted on May 26, 2015 in Bipolar Disorder Video

A video in which I describe how I came to be diagnosed during my one and only hospitalization

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Can You Talk Someone Out of a Depression?

Posted on April 11, 2015 in Depression Therapy

You are dealing with an irrational disease not a philosophical system.

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Loser Who Thinks Too Much

Posted on March 7, 2015 in Bipolar Disorder Disappointment Reflections

square844Both those terms have been used to describe me. An insult just doesn’t stab, it leaves a wound — not a scar, but a bleeding dripping lesion that comes to you in your worst depressions and sometimes — like now — when you are feeling just fine. I am a loser because I have not worked since I was 33 and do not have kids. I did not make a million in Silicon Valley and no one buys my photography or my writing (which I haven’t tried to sell in a long time.) Never mind that I have been married 27 years to the same woman, never hit or threatened to hit her or called her a vile name. I am a loser, a pariah.

The isolation of bipolar disorder is hell, but the isolation of my personality is worse. When I take tests such as the Myer’s Brigg, I keep scoring in the rarest categories. Less than 1% of people out there share my characteristics. We wander around, seldom meeting each other. The way we see the world, the things we strive for just aren’t appreciated or discerned by the rest of you out there. You come onto my blog, read my accounts of my illness or other aspects of my life and you don’t get me. I am a cipher, a shadow on the wall swept by the wind, a curiosity that cannot be. I, like others of my kind, feel alone. No wonder so many of us end up in monasteries or convents.

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