2006: The Year in Review

Posted on January 2, 2007 in Roundup

There are those who have used things that I have written in this blog as a way to attack me for the sake of gathering power for themselves and those who have told me that because of these attacks, I should not keep a blog. This is a response, a testament of truth about the thoughts I had over the year. And in giving this, I offer my thanks to those who expressed their affection for me because I spoke my mind.

Began the year with reflections on the differences between me and the unafflicted. Some crosstalk about stigma and the way the unafflicted view us follows. I remember my first sociopath. (And more arrived in my life, unnoted, this year.) Questions about using sanity as an excuse for boorish behavior. The price of being deterred from seeking psychiatric help and the costs of living within a bubble beneath the sea. The Mania Meme. An encounter with an osteopath. Confused by my language? Here’s a glossary. Tom Cruise might learn from Why I take meds — but I doubt he’ll try. The depressive side of bipolar disorder as a black hot lava bomb of narcissism. Belief that there were WMDs in Iraq amounts to a normie delusion. A very rude man who needs to be on lithium. Feeding Ecstasy to pigs. “How are you?” as a means of interrogation. Tips and more tips for talking to a bipolar. Biblical parenting.

How anxiety makes us think better. My knee gives out. How compliments and positive predictions served to bring me down. Where blue stands for numb and green stands for living again. On being a boring bipolar. How I was affected by the film Capote. Life and the World reduced to two Big Black Steel Balls. Wreaking positive change tires the heart. Easter as a lonely holiday for an agnostic. Using bipolar disorder as a way to fend off Nigerian email scammers. What I said to a refusenik about the meds and the disease. The time I thought myself a stalker. The nature of my cycles does not follow the classic “crash” scenario. Lost at Sea with Vincent. Why I don’t see many blank faces. Bullroarer. Why it must be safe enough to talk about our symptoms and our frustrations and how some people make places unsafe. Where cotton replaces razor blades as the feeling of suffering.

Experiencing asthenia. Therapists among the bipolars. The odd knobs of the past and cloaks of confidentiality. Mania as a horizontal landslide. Hallucinations. The side effect of drumming my feet. Where I eschew the “different realities” cop out. (I do it again here.) The Sims 2 Bipolar Edition. A friend dies and a subsequent bout with angels. Then eight days of silence. Followed by an account of my recovery with notes on meal planning while depressed and about blown minds. I only wrote one article about my participation in the DBSA national conference. It was about Tom Wootton and The Bipolar Advantage.

Is finding myself interesting egotism? Being misdiagnosed in college. Aerosol chemotherapy (aka Santa Ana Winds). I describe the shape of the missing piece. What happens at four in the afternoon. I will not hold back holding back. On the origin of small hopes. Asking for a face instead of a hockey mask. Why I have trouble answering lies in a public setting. How the barroom afflicts even the sober. A single phrase about obsession. Don’t give me “I did the best I could“.

All of this and many things more were me.

Resolution for 2007: Not to punish myself for being more in touch with my feelings than others or for having the guts to be truthful and open where others prefer to hide.

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